The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

This guy is a God.

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Contributor : gtapper

Medals:

INFERTILITY~5 points
MASTER OF TIME AND SPACE~5 points
BACKFIRE~10 points
DRUNKEN AIR SHOW~10 points
I AM ILLITERATE~10 points
MEGA COMBO~10 points
TANKICULAR HOMICIDE~10 points
HANGING IN THERE~25 points
I AM LITERATE~25 points
LOOKING FOR A CHALLENGE~25 points
TOAST MASTER~25 points
BALL FONDLER~50 points
CAVALIER OF SPERM~50 points
EVASIVIVITY~50 points
PEDESTRIAN DEVASTATION~50 points
SEED OF DESTRUCTION~100 points

Total~460 points

-INFERTILITY
Die during gameplay and view the game over "movie".
-MASTER OF TIME AND SPACE
Hit P at any time during gameplay to pause the game.
-BACKFIRE
Spin your tail to deflect projectiles. If the projectile hits any enemy after you deflect it, this medal is yours.
-DRUNKEN AIR SHOW
Simply beat the game on any difficulty to unlock custom game mode. Turn off all enemies except for jets. Automatically get the medal when you start playing.
I AM ILLITERATE
You just need to spend less than 5 seconds on the first tutorial.
MEGA COMBO
Just get a 20 or more combo by deflecting objects. It is easy in the juggling mini game. You should also get the Ball Fondler medal easily by doing this many times.
TANKICULAR HOMICIDE
Just wait there for a citizen to get near a tank and push the tank over him.
HANGING IN THERE
You need to play until your health bar replenish itself 10 times... easy. I just played until it said me I did it.
I AM LITERATE
The easiest medal ever. Just read the first tutorial for 12 seconds.
LOOKING FOR A CHALLENGE
Survive 10 minutes in Custom Mode with all units at maximum intensity. I don't have any strategy over this one, but all you need is skill, honestly. However, you should try deflecting objects as many times as you can. This will make you kill units around and survive. But not too much, though, or you will get hit, because you are not invincibile. Move a little then continue the deflecting.
TOAST MASTER
Kill 10 enemies with the zeppelin laser. You just need to hit the zeppelin's laser with the tail of your sperm until it deflects on the ground, so that it kills many ground units. Do this many times if it didn't work the first time. You should try not to get hit by the zeppelin by turning around it, or you will get massive damage.
BALL FONDLER
You need to get an incredibly high score of 10,000 in Grenade Juggler mini game. There is no real strategy for this one. You should just hang in there still and holding the brakes until a grenade hits you. Just follow it and try hitting it to get combo.
CAVALIER OF SPERM
Just beat story mode.
EVASIVIVITY
Survive 5 minutes in Missile Crisis mini game. All you should try is holding the same place and spin in order to deflect the missiles. But as soon as you get hit, put the pedal to the metal.
PEDESTRIAN DEVASTATION
All you should try is to urge without caring about the citizens for about 20 seconds. Because the further you go, the more citizens there are. Then, try hitting the more you can!
SEED OF DESTRUCTION
All you need to do is beat the strory mode in hard mode. Because the default difficulty, which is hard, this is the easiest 100 points you can get.

I will give total credit to contributors!
For the medal I don't have, but I gave srategy for, it is the most logical strategy I found. It is with this technique I got the closer from it.

Because the other one wasnt working, here's another

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This is a sick video about Simon Dumont. If you don't ski, well get the hell out of here. If you do, watch this.

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